Orlando Weekly OR Orlando Weakly

Well Orlando Weekly's "Best Of Orlando" ended a few days ago. For anyone who isn't familiar with this Orlando Weekly is a local free newspaper.. I consider it quasi underground. They say and do what ever they want and don't print fluf crap like the real newspaper. Anywho, one of their writers blogged about my site when it first came out and drove A LOT of traffic my way. Then another writer sent me a friend request on Myspace and said he liked my stories. So i'm like wow, they like me.. and I like them because we are alike in so many ways. So I KNOW a lot of my fans and friends voted for me in the "best of" section that allowed votes.. but I didn't expect to win those. What I DID expect was a mention in one of the zillons of catagories that the writers make up and pick their own winner.. like "best airborne cult" which was won by a company in Groveland Florida.. isn't it "best of Orlando"?? Or "Best affordable kids activity" which was won by the city of Oviedo??? Not to mention all the myspace pages that won things and are set to private?? How can you list all that other crap and NOT list the Official Orlando Anti-tourism site????

Nothing can last in Orlando!!!!

Arrrrrrr! I'm mad! Even though I have a WHOLE site dedicated to Orlando sucking I find my good ole blog the easiest place to throw my thoughts. I don't know where to start.. let me start with what just happened. I just did a heap of manual labor which in my mind always calls for a reward of some type of junk food. So I stop at BP and walk up to the "Hotties" case.. only to realize it is completely empty?! I ask the clerk what is going on and she tells me they went out of business. WHAT?!? They had like 3 stand alone stores and donuts cases in almost every quickie mart in Orlando.. they are the best donuts EVER! I mean, those with the peanut butter in the middle.. they would make the pope curse! Now they are gone just like that.. I went to their website (hotties.com) and it confirms it.

Now flash back to over a month ago.. I got an email from a loyal viewer who told me he saw my tribute to Jungle Jims on the "what doesn't suck" page and he just wanted to let me know they weren't there anymore.. WHAT?!? I called their number and he was right. Every time I went there they were packed!?? They were right in the heart of the tourist area?!!?

WTF! Orlando is a barren field that has been cursed so no crops will grow.. Ok, that is an analogy for no business can STAY in business.. no mater how lucrative it is!!

So to summarize, if you have a kick ass business idea.. MOVE to somewhere will let you live your dream because Orlando will suck you dry, even if you are right next door to Disney and have awesome food and good service.. even if you have the best donuts EVER and deliver to all the major stores.. it DOESN'T matter here..

The Webmaster (wipes away tear)

Lots of crap, READ IT!

Well I guess Orlando lifted the ban on fireworks this year... my home sounded like Omaha Beach on D-Day... when I walked out the door I yelled "covering fire" and ran to my car.. it was crazy. Then there were things exploding on both sides of the highway as I drove to work.

Something else I wanted to say...thanks to everyone who logs on my site daily.. I am now getting hundreds of hits every day and they are coming from ALL OVER the world!! If you type "orlando florida sucks" on MSN search EVERYTHING on the first page of results is related to my site! It's crazy that my little site that is basically just telling you how horrible Orlando is has become a phenom.. Webmaster OUT!

Two posts in one day!

I know I just posted but I wanted to tell everyone about this.. there is a NEW civilian taser that doesn't even look like a gun! Naturally every citizen of Orlando should get one.. I mean even if you all ready have a gun, get a taser too! That way you can shock the $@%! out of the criminal before you shoot him! Plus its very embarasing for the bad guy to have wet his pants before he goes to the great "rec yard" in the sky.. wait a minute, a criminal wouldn't go anywhere in the sky. Let me start over.. Its embarrasing for the bad guy to wet his pants before the crosses the lake of fire to be butt raped by Satan for all eternity.. hows that sound?

http://www.taser.com/products/consumers/Pages/C2.aspx

there's a link... POW zap em right in the nuts if you can...

We are #1 again!

Wow, this blogging is harder than I thought... almost a month since my last post? I'm slipping! Anywho.. guess who is #1 in road rage? Yup, we are!

http://www.wesh.com/news/13608913/detail.html?rss=orl&psp=news


Were #1, were #1, come on everyone chant with me... were #1, were #1!!