Big Fat Buddy Dyer at UCF graduation

I was unlucky enough to attend the UCF graduation last Thursday and apparently the real speaker didn't show up so they had to ask BFBD (Big Fat Buddy Dyer) to speak. He started out with his rules of life which was just an excuse to tell some lame story about him saving a little dog from a bull dog while he was jogging. How do I know it was made up? Well for one it started off with Buddy Dyer jogging.. which I doubt has EVER happened. Everyone in my section started booing him, it was pretty funny.

Where's Casey Anthony?

Ok guys I've been on vacation for a month, how's Casey doing? Is she on death row yet? I bet that trial was embarassing for her, being found guilty of murder and all. Right guys? Guys??

Buddy Dyer Should Shave!

Our mayor looks like a homeless hobo! I have seen him several times on the news in the last few weeks and he has the worst facial hair IN THE WORLD. If you have that splotchy multi-colored facial hair you should shave DAILY! It was embarrassing enough to have a mayor whose face was so swollen it looked like it was about to explode... but now his moon face is covered in several days of stubble. He looks like he just paused World of Warcraft and climbed out of his moms basement just long enough to do a news promo.

Rick Scott - The real life Mr. Burns

Photo evidence!!

http://www.orlandocrimealerts.com

I just found a website that sends you an email as soon as a crime happens in your area.. god knows I needed this haha!

http://www.orlandocrimealerts.com

Orlando Sentinel Sucks

The Orlando Sentinel sucks for several reasons:

1. They telemarket like crazy, NEVER do business with a business that telemarkets.
2. They put those annoying "whats the deal" papers on everyones door step.. maybe I don't want that garbage on my door step, TOO BAD there is no way to stop it?!
3. Their website has so many ads moving around the screen it's impossible to even find any news.
4. Most of the stuff that isn't ads is fluff like slide shows of silly photos.

All in all they are tabloidish CRAP

Orlando Sign Spinners are GAY

Who in gods name thought of the idea of sticking a hoodlum in a statue of liberty costume and letting them play in traffic? These little weirdos are SO obnoxious.. I don't even like the ones who stay on the sidewalk, but I really hate the mentally challenged ones who wonder into the freaking street! Will someone hurry up and ban this like Kissimmee did!!

Judge John Dean Moxley

Wow, what an old coward.. he wouldn't give a helpless young woman a restraining order and then her stalker killed her. What did he have to lose by granting the order? NOTHING. She gave him 70 pages of emails from the old guy, including ones that described her house! Maybe he is too old to read them? Long time criminals have claimed in the past that Moxley would help them out, hmmm. Is this what Orlando justice is all about? Hopefully when he goes to sleep at night this young womans face will haunt his dreams. Since they are both old prunes maybe he and the stalker are golfing buddies? I guess she is lucky Moxley didn't start stalking her too.

He has also let out child molesters and murderers.. real winner here. Oh and his forehead is HUGE, you could land a plane on it.

Rants

Well here are todays rants: "bob's back" commercials.. who is this moron and who the hell cares?? I have lived here 10 years and I have no idea who this mutton head is? While I'm speaking about Fox35.. don't break in every 15 minutes to tell us about your contract negotiations with Bright House, YOU AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT! If we really want to watch you we can use rabit ears!

Disney, ok I went to Disney yesterday.. We ended up buying 3 day tickets because they figure out to be $58 a day instead of the $78 a one day ticket costs! Oh and $15 for parking?? You can shove that up your a$$, I'll always find somewhere to park for free. Everything was dirty and the cast members were rude, but that is par for the course now. The tourists were stumbling around like zombies but it is always fun to watch them do stupid things. ONE cool thing, Epcot has the scavenger hunt where they give you cell phones to get clues.. then when you find what you are looking for the phone actually activates things in the park!? It was the wildest thing we had ever seen, the phone was actually setting off things like the giant clock in Germany, crazy! We ended the day off at the "Cape May Cafe" at the Beach Club.. it was a sub-par buffett for $40. I would LOVE to boycott Disney but when friends come to town (who don't know how evil and sucky Disney is) it's hard to say no.

I guess that is it for now... soak it in true believers..

Happy New Year Knuckle Heads!

Well another year has passed and nothing has changed... well except the value of our houses dropped to nothing and all our bills went up. Yes, OUC and Statefarm are still raking us over the proverbial coals. I didn't win the Holiday Milionaire Raffle.. probably because I didn't buy a ticket. I wasn't shot, stabbed, mugged or set on fire.. I guess that is a plus. Here's to you in 2010 Orlando (and by that I mean here's to you burning to the ground like the great Chicago fire of 1871)..

WFTV sucks

WFTV will print ANYTHING.. their top story for the last couple of days has been "woman finds fly in can of tuna".. Really? That's all you got? Give me a freaking break!? Orlando is full of horrible things happening every day, and this idiots fly infested tuna is all you could find?

I could go on and on about this... but the office is on, gotta go..

http://www.wftv.com/news/21944125/detail.html

What lurketh in the dark reaches of mans mind

Well I figured since I haven't touched on how bad Orlando is in a while I would give it a go.. how about that human vomit that raped a woman in the back of Walmart while her infant was in the car? You can't find quality people like that in other parts of the world! Hopefully someone will stick a fork in this guys eye while he is in prison.. it makes me sick that this guy breathes the same air as the rest of us, there really aren't words to describe the level of scum that this guy is..

But with our justice system I'm sure he will be back out in a few months.. he has done it before you know. And we will let him stroll right back out into society without batting an eye. Why? Why do we lay down and let the courts do that?? Ok, that is enough for today.. I feel my pressure going up..

Orlando Florida Attorneys

Know where to find the best attorneys and lawyers in Orlando? Right here: orlando lawyers and attorneys!

Top 5 places that suck more than Orlando

Well I get emails constantly from simpletons who think their city sucks MORE than Orlando.. most of the time it isn't true. In a few cases it IS... here they are

1. Detroit
2. Miami
3. Las Vegas
4. The 7th circle of hell (where the pedophoiles and rapist live)
5. New Orleans

Top 5 things fox shows you to distract you from their lack of news

Fox35 has a lot of tricks up their sleeve when it comes to hiding their lack of journalistic skills... they include:

1. Weather Babies
2. Pet of the week
3. Cool School of the week
4. Christeen Van Blockland
5. That footage of the guy driving through his garage when the undercover guys were there to arrest him.. They showed this footage during every commercial for the next two weeks after it happened. Then they did other news stories about that news story???? Give me a break!!

Splenda is POISON....

Guess what true believers... I have spent the last week on my death bed because the assholes at Splenda (and the assholes at the FDA) are selling poison. Too strong a statement you say? I don't think so.. there isn't ONE damn warning on a bag of Splenda but do you know what it is? It's sugar that has been chlorinated. Yup, chlorinated.. you know, the stuff you dump in your pool to kill EVERYTHING that might try and live there. But Webmaster why would anyone chlorinate sugar? They would chlorinate it so your body WON'T digest it.. that's how they can put those happy "0"s on the nutritional information panel by calories and carbs. Splenda has calories AND carbs because it IS sugar but they don't have to list them because your body can't digest them. How do they get away with this, don't ask me.. I'm just as amazed as you. Don't believe me? Read this

http://www.rense.com/general65/splend.htm

If that is too complicated for you just google "splenda poison" or "splenda side effects" and look at one of the thousands of pages it pulls up.. here is a good blog that lists all the horror stories people have sent them..

http://www.splendasickness.blogspot.com/

Last but not least did you know that the makers of splenda have tried to buy EVERY anti-splenda domain name? Johnson and Johnson owns splendakills.com, splendapoison.com and over two hundred other domains.. now tell me that isn't a conspiracy!!!!

Anyway, I won't buy ANYTHING with Splenda anymore and hopefully this HORRIBLE pain I have been experiencing for the last week will go away in the next few days...

Webmaster OUT!!

The Mouse Kicked Me Right In The Junk..

Well I never thought I would say this but I am boycotting Disney! The price for a one day ticket just went up to $71 AND they took away the Florida discount for a one day ticket... AND they increased the price to make a multi-day ticket last forever (if you don't pay this fee it will have an expiration date). HOW GREEDY CAN THEY GET? Come on, it costs $10 to park (why? you have paid for that parking lot 10000 times over.. I would post my 6 different tricks to get free parking but I will abstain because of my high moral character) and $3 for a coke... So for me, JUST ME to spend one day of fun in ONE Disney park I'm looking at just shy of $100?? I said ONE Disney park because a park hopper would cost significantly more. Guess what Disney, those UK tourists are getting robbed by the bushel on I-drive.. how long do you think it will take before word spreads over there how bad a hell hole Orlando has become? Other destinations (that aren't in the top ten for drive by shootings) will start to look real good to those brits... and then the local people you have snubbed your nose at won't look so bad will we? Seaworld will give me a year pass for $59.. so what if it's boring as #@!$ at least they treat me right! Also, I have noticed in the last couple of years that the employees (you can't make me say cast members, I don't work there!) have started getting a crappy attitude.. I'm sure it started at the top and worked its way down to them. I do know one thing.. the ticket price has risen to where it is because people continue to pay it. I have a feeling supply is about to pass demand.

Webmaster Out!

I'm Back!

I'm back true believers, the rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated! Before I forget did anyone see an article about my site in the Orlando Business Journal? Someone emailed me and said it was on page 19 but I have NO idea where you would even get a copy?? Hmmm, what's new.. oh I got an offer to be in a pirate rap video. I know that sounds NUTS but if you look at my Myspace friends you will find "Captain Dan" in the top 16.. I also list him a couple of times on the site. I am trying to help him rent the "Pirates Dinner Adventure" to shoot a video.. if we are successful he said I can be in it, ahahahaha.

BIG NEWS, I am now on the first page of results when you Google "Orlando Florida"!!! Because of that I have been enlisted by a couple of people to help them get their site to rank higher using the Google secrets I have learned. Who knew this website would spark so many side projects! I pledge to keep the site updated though for my paying advertisers... maybe not this blog, but the site :-)

Orlando Weekly OR Orlando Weakly

Well Orlando Weekly's "Best Of Orlando" ended a few days ago. For anyone who isn't familiar with this Orlando Weekly is a local free newspaper.. I consider it quasi underground. They say and do what ever they want and don't print fluf crap like the real newspaper. Anywho, one of their writers blogged about my site when it first came out and drove A LOT of traffic my way. Then another writer sent me a friend request on Myspace and said he liked my stories. So i'm like wow, they like me.. and I like them because we are alike in so many ways. So I KNOW a lot of my fans and friends voted for me in the "best of" section that allowed votes.. but I didn't expect to win those. What I DID expect was a mention in one of the zillons of catagories that the writers make up and pick their own winner.. like "best airborne cult" which was won by a company in Groveland Florida.. isn't it "best of Orlando"?? Or "Best affordable kids activity" which was won by the city of Oviedo??? Not to mention all the myspace pages that won things and are set to private?? How can you list all that other crap and NOT list the Official Orlando Anti-tourism site????

Nothing can last in Orlando!!!!

Arrrrrrr! I'm mad! Even though I have a WHOLE site dedicated to Orlando sucking I find my good ole blog the easiest place to throw my thoughts. I don't know where to start.. let me start with what just happened. I just did a heap of manual labor which in my mind always calls for a reward of some type of junk food. So I stop at BP and walk up to the "Hotties" case.. only to realize it is completely empty?! I ask the clerk what is going on and she tells me they went out of business. WHAT?!? They had like 3 stand alone stores and donuts cases in almost every quickie mart in Orlando.. they are the best donuts EVER! I mean, those with the peanut butter in the middle.. they would make the pope curse! Now they are gone just like that.. I went to their website (hotties.com) and it confirms it.

Now flash back to over a month ago.. I got an email from a loyal viewer who told me he saw my tribute to Jungle Jims on the "what doesn't suck" page and he just wanted to let me know they weren't there anymore.. WHAT?!? I called their number and he was right. Every time I went there they were packed!?? They were right in the heart of the tourist area?!!?

WTF! Orlando is a barren field that has been cursed so no crops will grow.. Ok, that is an analogy for no business can STAY in business.. no mater how lucrative it is!!

So to summarize, if you have a kick ass business idea.. MOVE to somewhere will let you live your dream because Orlando will suck you dry, even if you are right next door to Disney and have awesome food and good service.. even if you have the best donuts EVER and deliver to all the major stores.. it DOESN'T matter here..

The Webmaster (wipes away tear)